Singapore couple shelter ‘brother’s’ wife, 3 kids who left home over spousal violence fears

The men communicate in an active WhatsApp chat, and share when they need help or a listening ear, among other things.

Others in the group respond to support men in need of help in various ways so that they do not flare up, get into a rage and turn violent, Mr Ang added.

And about two years ago, the programme started training some of the men to facilitate their group sessions and to mentor other men, among other initiatives.

These group sessions, which take place once every three weeks, help the men to understand the root causes of their violence. They are also taught to manage their anger and to learn empathy for those they have hurt.

Some men also take their wives or girlfriends to these sessions for support, Mr Ang said.

And some men have asked their wives for forgiveness during these sessions for the hurt they have caused them.

The number of spousal violence cases has risen in the past few years with greater awareness of family violence and more willingness to report an abusive spouse, social workers say.

There were 2,008 new spousal violence cases in 2023, a 23 per cent increase from 1,632 cases in 2021, according to the inaugural Domestic Violence Trends report released by the Ministry of Social and Family Development on Sept 26.

Mr Ang said helping abusive men break the cycle of violence is critical in tackling the scourge of family violence. But one key hurdle is the stigma as well as shame these men face, which stops them from seeking help.

Men need to feel safe and that they are not judged before they are willing to seek help, Mr Ang said.

He noted it is hard for the men to acknowledge that they have hurt their loved ones, and they too are hurting.

“Men who have caused harm need to be given the opportunity for redemption to break the cycle of violence. When they are prepared to step forward, the chances of rehabilitation increase by a lot,” he said.

“We train the brothers to run projects to champion non-violence and to share their stories to reduce the stigma of shame. This also strengthens their new identity as a better man.”

Mr Ang said that 90 per cent of the men have either been abused as a child or have witnessed a loved one being abused.

“Much of the abusive behaviour is learnt behaviour, like they feel a man should be tough and powerful,” he said. “And they feel they have to assert more control if the women or children disregard their authority.”